Letter
by silvereyesish
Summary: It's a disaster, it's an incredible mess, but it's all I've got. -Beyond & L-


**A/N:** This isn't really a fanfic, of sorts. I roleplay on a site called dndressingroom, and this is a sort of... hm, well a character development fic. From L's point of view. Also, this is Beyond/L. The Beyond is much more innocent than the real Beyond, so... Well, it's too hard to explain. Mostly I'm dedicating this to **Rinna-kun** and **Ma Chat.** Hee. There will be more where this comes from, most likely.

So without further ado, fic.

* * *

I am a letter.

Not just any letter, though; no, I am one of the most powerful letters in the world. I am the letter L, the world's greatest detective (and the two runner-ups, too). There are many who respect my opinion in the world, many who would take orders from me without question. There are many who would oppose me and my system of justice, but that is normal for any figure of authority. And that is precisely what I am, what I have been since the age of fifteen. I don't mean to sound arrogant, or boasting, but it is simply the truth: I am an influential genius. People who I've worked with will most likely agree.

However, that is all the people think of me as, most of the time. A letter.

The world does not expect me to be human. It is a unanimous thought among the various cultures and societies who know the name L; the world's greatest detective doesn't have feelings, emotions, or anything of that sort. He solves cases with that amazing brain of his, and that's all we care about.

…It doesn't bother me most of the time, but everybody has their bad days.

Bad days don't come often for me. I like to think I am a rather independent individual and there is almost nothing I hate more than appearing weak before others. Mr. Wammy tells me that it isn't good to keep all my emotions in like that, and I usually respond with a "What emotion?" in a deadpanned voice. Mr. Wammy does not like that much, and usually doesn't bring me cake for a while… I should really stop being such a smart ass to him; he doesn't deserve it…

But when I do curl up and admit defeat, it's bad. I sort of… block it all out afterwards, but I always know the feeling of how much it hurts. Mr. Wammy tells me most of the time I either stare blankly at the wall and don't respond whatsoever, or break down crying and then sleep the rest of the day. I don't think about it much, but then again, who would want to relive the worst days of their lives? Nobody sane, at least.

…Not that I'm the sanest person you'll ever meet, but then again, I digress.

There's this place, this place that I've been in for a while. A few weeks, maybe? I'm writing this from an odd little computer in one of the hundreds of rooms. The mansion seems to have seven or eight stories, although I've never been past the fifth and only heard of the others. It's frightening, and I don't know how to get back to my world. People all around me tell me that we are all from different universes; it seems unlikely, but once you see a female version of _yourself_ will you understand how real this is.

I was alone, the first few days. As a general rule, I don't have friends. Even Light-kun, though we were admittedly _more_ than friends, wasn't my friend. Wasn't truly, at least. I wandered this place for a week, watching others make friends and begin to make sense of the world around them, and I… had a week of those "bad days".

Then I found him.

At first, I was wary. He was a figure in my past that I'd very much like to forget, and I was scared that now, without any protection, he'd try to kill me. Beyond Birthday was always a little unstable, ever since Wammy's. But… this one was different. Very different. And I was intrigued.

We spoke together, and he told me that he was alone too. Nobody was watching over him, and it scared him. And I thought I had found my chance. I told him I would protect him, and make sure he didn't get hurt. And he was thrilled. So was I. And so, I wasn't alone anymore. I had a friend.

Things aren't so simple now.

He'd told me to call him Beyond. I did, and still do. We… grew into something more that friends. And I know, now, you're stopping and thinking, "Wow, is this L a slut, or what? Does he fall in love with everything he sees?" I've asked myself the same question, and it's one of those topics I think about on my bad days. The answer is probably yes, but…but again, I digress.

Beyond had… met a B. Another B. One that was a violent, murdering scumbag. And I hated it, hated that Beyond was falling for every word B said. And when I realized why, I nearly bit a hole through my lip. That one injury turned out to be one of the best things that had ever happened to me; because when I had the blood on my lips, Beyond was there, and he noticed. He told me he didn't want it, but he lied.

And he took it. And we kissed. And… I was in heaven.

Beyond and I… we fit. We fit together perfectly. From our hands to our lips to our bodies, we fit. He knows things about me nobody else does, and he is one of those things that still keeps me sane. Keeps me from killing myself from lack of sleep, or alcohol poisoning. He's my mother hen, and I love him.

I do. I love him more than anything, and would do anything for him.

But that other B. Beyond loves him too, and he seems to believe they are one. I've explained to him so many times; "Names are just names; you aren't him, you're too good." But he won't listen, and continues to fall for B. And I hate it. I don't… I don't hate B. I couldn't, because I know exactly how he feels. But, if I could, I would take Beyond for myself. Keep him safe, never let him go. But I'm not a positive or optimistic person. I don't believe things will work out for me in the end. I believe that when it comes right down to it, Beyond will pick B. He will pick himself. And I can't hurt him by being selfish, so I'll let him go.

And that, my friends, is why I'm off to drink.

* * *

_silvereyesish_


End file.
